Fall of Battousai
by anek
Summary: You think Battousai is invincible? Think again! Find out about Kenshin's greatest challenge yet! No, it's not some enemy he faced during the revolution... it's just a bunch of girls chasing him in the streets of Tokyo, but he just might not survive!


Fall of the Battousai  
  
Hi! Spawnie here! As said in the summary, this fic is about Kenshin greatest dilemma yet! Will he survive? Find out and read!  
Also, no offense to Aoshi/Misao and Sano/Megumi fans, ok? I just wrote this purely for fun, plus, I'm very obsessed with Kenshin. He ROCKS! Goku, Kenshin, and Vash are the men of my life! I swear, if they were real, they would be getting a lot more fan mails that Brad Pitt does! Too bad they're only made of ink . UNFAIR!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Oh yeah… I own Kenshin. What? You gonna sue me? Tsk tsk tsk… I was going to let you borrow Kenshin for a while. LOL! Just kidding! Goodness! If I owned Kenshin… ahhhhh! The possibilities!!! , too bad I don't own any cute battousai.  
  
  
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Kaoru angrily banged the mutilated broom against the wall. Eyebrows knitted, she wiped beads of sweat racing down her forehead. The summer heat is just too intense almost numbing her senses. She had already taken a bath twice, yet it didn't help. A dip in the river would be a good idea, she thought. Congratulating herself for the idea, she hurried to her room to pick up things she would be needing for the swim.   
"Ahhhh! I can't stand it anymore! It's too hot!" Misao's voice reverberated through the Kamiya dojo. Smiling, Kaoru poked her head on her guest's room. Misao had been staying with them for a week now, visiting from Kyoto.  
"Misao! I was just thinking about taking at dip at the river. Wanna come?" Kaoru asked.  
Misao immediately brightened. "Of course, Ms. Kaoru! You're a genius! Come on! Let's go!" the ecstatic girl exclaimed, grabbing Kaoru's arm and running out of the room.  
"Wait! We should get some robes and towels first!" Kaoru pointed out.  
"Don't worry about it! I'm sure there's a secluded place in the river somewhere! Please Ms. Kaoru! I can't stand this heat anymore!"  
Kaoru sighed. "Alright, I do know of a secluded part of the river… I guess it would be ok."  
"Dear Ken! Dear Ken!" Megumi's voice floated in the air like a singsong. Kaoru fumed.  
"Hi Megumi!" Misao greeted, not even slowing her pace as she headed towards the gate.  
"Where's dear Ken? I'd like to show him something…" Megumi said, giggling.  
"And just what might that be?!" Kaoru snapped suspiciously.  
"Oh… it's between Sir Ken and me," Megumi shot back, waving a dismissive hand.  
"Come on, Ms. Kaoru! We have to go!" Misao insisted, pulling on Kaoru's arm.  
"Where are you two headed?" Megumi asked.  
Misao exaggeratedly flapped the front of her ninja outfit. "We're going to go for a little swim in the river. The weather is too hot," she explained.  
Megumi brought her hands together. "Oh, I see. That is a good idea. Can I come with you?"  
"Sure, Megumi, you can come along. But we have to go now, or Misao's going to pull my arm off," Kaoru said in a friendly voice.  
"Of course!" Megumi answered, appreciating Kaoru's effort to forget their earlier bickering.  
The three girls headed out of Kamiya dojo. But just as they opened the gate, a familiar looking woman stood with one hand raised as if she was about to knock.  
"May I help you?" Kaoru inquired.  
"So, I found the right place," the woman observed, looking at Kaoru.  
Kaoru gasped when she recognized the woman.  
"Ms. Shura! It's you! The sea pirate!"  
Shura glared at the mention of her previous profession, but gave a slight nod.   
"Himura?," Shura asked flatly.  
"Oh," Kaoru replied questioningly. "I haven't seen Kenshin in a few hours now. I'm sure he'll be back soon, so you can wait at the dojo if you want."  
Shura curtly shook her head. "No."  
"Fine! We have to go!" Misao interjected, slightly irritated. It was obvious the woman's just not being friendly despite Kaoru's attempts. Too eager for her long-awaited dip in the river, she dragged Kaoru's arm once more.  
Shura raised an eyebrow at the young girl's rudeness, but then shrugged and followed the other women.  
Kaoru, Misao, Megumi, and Shura walked silently towards the river, with Misao glaring once in a while at the female ex-pirate, who was walking slower than the other three. Misao suspected that it was only to show her commanding presence. It was one of those glaring moments when Misao bumped into another woman on the street. Being the smaller one, she staggered back and fell on her rear.  
"Hey! What's the big idea?!" Misao screeched angrily.  
"Oh, I'm sorry! I was a little distracted," the woman apologized gently, helping Misao to her feet.  
"Obviously," Misao grumbled.  
The woman smiled. "Say, did anyone of you happen to come across a red-haired handsome man with a cross scar across his left cheek?" the woman asked.  
The other four women swiftly looked at each other.  
"His name is Kenshin…" the woman continued.  
She's just someone Kenshin knew along the way…, Kaoru reasoned out with herself, not failing to notice how pretty the woman was.  
"Y-yes we do know him," Kaoru stated.  
The woman looked so relieved that tears were almost falling down her cheeks.  
"A-at last… I've finally found him…" the woman got out between sobs as she started falling forward. Kaoru caught her on time.  
"Are you okay, Ms.? Maybe I should take a look at you," Megumi asked with a doctor's concern in her voice.  
"If you don't mind me asking, may I know your name please?" Kaoru asked politely at the woman, helping her regain her balance.  
The woman smiled as she wiped a tear that was threatening to fall from the corner of one eye.  
"My name is Tomoe, Kenshin's wife."  
"NANI?!!!"  
"IMPOSSIBLE!!!"  
"IT CAN'T BE!!!"  
"IT'S A LIE!!!"  
All four women screeched in voices that lifted the dusts on the streets of Tokyo.  
"But Tomoe is dead!"  
"No! It's a lie!"  
"Himura cannot be married!"  
"It's not true!"  
"But it's true! I am Tomoe!"  
The women continued arguing. People had started to gather around them.  
"She's an impostor! Come on! Let's get going!" Misao finished angrily and started running towards the river, grabbing Kaoru and Megumi's arms with her. The other two women followed.  
"You have to believe me! Tell me where Kenshin is!" Tomoe insisted.  
"You can either shut up or I'll shut you up," Shura threatened, fingering the dagger tied on her waist.  
Dust rose on the dry road as Misao walked, stomping her feet as much as she can. Kaoru looked dazed, barely managing to put one foot forward after the other. Megumi walked with her head slightly bowed down. Shura sauntered forcefully, her hand still lingering on the dagger hilt. Tomoe marched proudly, determination lined on her face. They just walked… of course, none of them recalled where they were going, and some of them didn't know where they were going in the first place.  
After a while of walking silently, rippling water could be heard, but the women walked on. It was until they came on a particularly hidden part of the river when they stopped, partly because they finally recalled the original purpose of the excursion, but also because at some time during their walk, they must have veered off the road.  
Exhausted from their little walk, the women silently sat on the riverbank. Preferring to enjoy the steady rhythm of water beating against the rocks a little while longer before they start their fight again. They stayed silent -- until a flash of red bobbed amidst the clear flowing water. Damp crimson hair danced with the swaying water, as a face too beautifully boyish, yet undeniably masculine rose from the raging river. Glistening water rolled down a slight frame, yet toned with muscles unmistakably that of a warrior. Then ever so slowly… as if time itself was caught with his glorious splendor… eyelids lifted to reveal the most striking violet eyes…  
Kenshin brought a hand up to wipe the water out of his face, stopping at his temple to give them a slight massage. Sano had somehow convinced him to drink 3 gallons of sake the night before. Now, he only had to blame himself for the headache.  
Rising from the cool water, Kenshin squinted his eyes under the blaring sun in search for his discarded hakama. The headache was making his vision somewhat blurred. Then, those same eyes bulged as if ready to come out of their sockets as Kenshin got to focus his vision… for not one, but 5 women were staring at him with eyes as wide as saucers.  
"O-orororororo?!!!" the redheaded Battousai leaped back to the river with his god-like speed.  
Face flushed almost as red as his hair, Kenshin managed to bring his head back on the surface.  
"H-hello!" he called out.  
The women didn't answer but still stared at where he stood on his birthday suit a few moments ago.  
"C-can I help you?" he tried again, barely keeping his mouth above the water. He felt like sinking to the deepest part of the river.  
"KENSHIN!!!" a woman exclaimed in a voice he thought he recognized, but before he could take a good look at the woman who spoke, the other's were already heading towards the river.  
"Dear Ken!"  
"Himura!"  
"Kenshin!"  
"Himura!"  
"Kenshin!"  
Kenshin instinctively moved backwards.  
"Himura, don't listen to her! She's an impostor!" Kenshin turned as he recognized Misao's voice.  
"W-which woman?" he asked. The deep contrast of the heat and the cool water must be dulling his mind since he couldn't focus his mind very well… all he saw were faces of women starting to swarm over him.  
"Kenshin, don't worry! I'll save you from these women!" Kenshin craned his neck… that was Kaoru's voice.  
"Dear Ken! I'm coming!"  
"Megumi?" he asked blindly. Darn, he cursed, he had never been this disoriented before. And his headache wasn't helping him.  
"Himura! You're mine!" a voice called out. He remembered it… a voice of a certain female pirate.   
"Kenshin! I'm here!" Kenshin turned his head sharply. There's that voice again.  
He shook his head sharply. Maybe water got to his brain without his knowing.  
Very well, if he couldn't trust his mind, then he would just trust his warrior's instinct. Slightly curling his toes in the rocky river floor, he leapt onto the river bank. To his horror, his disorientation today must have been worse than he thought for he, instead, found himself landing smack in the middle of his assailants.  
"What is this all about, may I ask?" Kenshin asked with the most reasonable voice he could manage at the time.  
But all he got was a collected gasp as the women stared at him… especially at the lower part of his anatomy.  
"O-oro!"  
To his horror, he realized his discarded clothing lay on the other side of the river… and so he did the only thing he could do. He grabbed a fallen leaf lying on the rocky bank to give him just the tiniest bit of decency. It didn't help, the almost dried leaf crumbled under his nervous grip.   
"Kenshin! I won't let these women take advantage of you!" one woman screeched as another one grabbed him by the arm.   
"Get away from Himura! You whore!!!" another shouted, as a pair of feminine arms encircled him by the waist.   
"Don't you dare touch him! Get away from my Kenshin!" another voice cracked in the air as his other arm was pulled on the other side.  
"What do you mean yours? He's mine!" came the answering cry. He felt a thug on his loose damp hair.  
Going 'oro…' was all the now swirly-eyed legendary battousai could do.  
The shock of being hauled by a bunch of women didn't help his headache and muddled vision.  
"Kenshin!"  
"Himura!"  
"Dear Ken!"  
"Kenshin!"  
"Himura!"  
Kenshin's headache intensified ten folds at the high-pitched voices calling out his name. He tried to bring up his hand to cover his ears, but realized that they were being held, pulled to be exact.  
He realized reasoning out with the women was next to impossible… and causing them any harm to force his way out was simply out of the question. Alright, if he couldn't talk to them, and he couldn't harm them… then there's only one thing to do -- scare them.  
And so he put on the Battousai's most scary expression to date.  
In an instant, the women stopped pulling on him.   
"W-when he d-does that…" he recognized Kaoru stammering.  
"T-that e-expression…" Misao began.  
"H-he is…"  
Kenshin held back a sigh of relief… so it's working. He prepared himself to leap to the other side of the river… but then all hell broke loose before he had the chance to.  
"When he does that-" Megumi repeated.  
"HE IS SOOOOOO DAMN SEXY!!!"  
"O-ORO?!!!" a shocked Kenshin managed to let out before he was once again knocked by eager hands.  
And that was when he lost it. Using his inhuman speed, he slipped out of the women's grasps and ran as fast as his feet would carry him… however, with his bare feet, it wasn't easy.  
The women followed pursuit.  
"SAAAAANNNNNNNOOOOO! YAAAAAAAHIIIIKKKKKOOOOOOO! HELP ME!" Kenshin shouted. He never thought women could run this fast! They were almost catching up with him! But before he knew it, he found himself right in the middle of a busy street. Not even having the luxury to die of embarrassment, he ignored the people staring at him in shock.  
"Kenshin!"  
"Himura!"  
"Come back here!!!"  
Kenshin paled… the voices were coming closer.  
Just then, Tae came out of Akabeko with her sister Sae, curios with the commotion outside.  
"What's going on here?" Tae asked her sister, but Sae only absently tapped her on the shoulder.  
"Look!" Sae exclaimed, pointing at a certain red-haired rurouni running down the street without a stitch of clothing being chased by an army of ecstatic girls.  
Tae gasped, but before she knew what happened, her sister was no longer on her side.  
"Where are you going?" she called out.  
"Where else? To join the chase!" her sister answered back.  
Narrowing her eyes, Tae hastily took off her apron and dumped it on the ground.  
"Well! I'm not going to be left out!" that said, she too disappeared in the crowd and joined the chase.  
"Goodness!" a young woman in the nearby flower shop gasped as the naked man passed. "Forgive me Lord, but I have to do this!" the woman said to herself before running out of the shop to join the hunt.  
"Oh my… oh my…" an older woman leaning heavily on her cane whispered as the naked handsome man passed by her window. In a second, she ran out to the street and joined the pursuit. The cane lay by her window -- forgotten.  
"Kami!"  
"Oh my god!"  
"He's mine!"  
"I won't let him get away!"  
Street after street… Kenshin's pursuers increased in numbers.  
"MAAAAAASSSSSSTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!! HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!" came Kenshin's desperate cry… but of course, Hiko would probably be laughing his butt off now if he saw his 'idiot apprentice' like this.  
The Gods must really be picking on me today… Kenshin thought. With one last attempt to lose his pursuers, he turned on a sharp corner -- it was a dead end.  
Of course, before he could leap to the roof, the women filled in the narrow alley that trapped him.  
He took steps backwards, and desperately tried to think of an escape.  
Sighing in defeat, it seemed that he had no other choice but to force his way out. The women were moving dangerously close.  
"Kaoru… Misao… Megumi… Shura…" he whispered, recognizing the women on the lead, then he gasped as his gaze settled on a familiar face. "T-tomoe?"  
But too late, the women had caught Kenshin Himura…  
… And so it was -- Battousai the Manslayer, the man of legends whose name strikes fear on the hearts of men even to this day, the man with a power to change history itself -- fainted in sheer fright.  
  
  
~~end~~  
  
~~~ and since he fainted… what do you think will happen to poor Kenshin? Heheh… use your imagination!  
  
  
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A/n: Mwahahahahahahah!!! There! I finally wrote the fic of my dreams! The ultimate proof of my unhealthy Kenshin obsession! Yada, yada yada.  
Yep, I also know it's very ooc, but oh well, can't help it, and the plot is highly impossible too, so you don't have to tell me about that. I'm just writing this to make my mood a little better. Summer school is just killing me! Waaaaaahhhhhh!  
Anyway… please review! It would make me feel much better   
I just finished watching the last OVA and I just feel kinda gloomy, that's why I had to write a silly fic… gomen!  
Awright… I gotta go join the chase too! Wanna come? ^_~ 


End file.
